Moments of Grief

Poetry in times of grief

by Teri Petz

Copyright notice

Copyright © 2021 Teri Petz

Cover art © 2015 Cat Charissage

Published by Works of Beauty

Written Works

Teri Petz

www.worksofbeauty.ca

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, write to the publisher, addressed “Attention: Permission Request,” at the address below.

Teri Petz

www.worksofbeauty.ca

Preface

Dear reader,

I know how hard it is to lose a loved one. Just like you, I have had my share of losses. I have realized that no matter if you lose a family member or a friend, it hurts. They say that grief has many faces and phases from numbing pain to anger, denial and the list goes on. I am giving you some of the poems I wrote about losing loved ones, and trying to talk to them years after they are gone. I want you to know that whatever you may be experiencing it is all normal. I want you to know that many of us have been there before, even if it feels like you are all alone. I would like to encourage you to write about your grief, to reach out to others and talk about it with someone you trust.

Whatever you do, don't isolate your self.

It just makes things harder.

These poems are from my poetry book, A Piece Of Her Heart.

Contents

Copyright Notice

Preface

A Piece Of Her Heart

A True Friend

After The End

After The Snow

Angels 1

Angels 3

Connections

Contemplating 1

Contrast

Farewell

From Afar

Good Wishes

Her Hands

Keep Going

Light Being

Mended Heart

Mother’s Memory

My Father’s Memory

No Hiding

Please Talk To Me

Rising

Sharing Feelings

The Flame Of Hope

The Tears We Never Cry

Thinking Of You

We Remember Our Veterans

When Our Loved One Dies

Will be with you

Your Poem

Epilogue

Teri Petz Bio

Connect with Teri

A Piece Of Her Heart

(To Dawn Davis after losing her daughter Lisa.)

There are days you miss her so much,

you feel like crying all day.

Her memories are etched in your mind

since the moment you first

held her in your loving arms.

How could you let go of all that?

You can’t.

She was literally a part of you.

Your flesh, your genes and your blood.

Now her body has stopped living

and her spirit has moved on

but she will live on forever in your heart.

You can feel her presence every time

you see a beautiful flower or

a butterfly fluttering in the warm sun.

You can hear her voice

in every breeze and wind.

You can find a piece of her

when you find a heart shaped rock

walking on the river bank.

A True Friend

(To Louise)

Someone once said:

“You are lucky

if by the time

you die you can say

you had one true friend.”

Ever since that time

I wondered what a true

friend meant.

A true friend to me means

someone who will listen

with open ears and hear me

even when he or she disagrees.

Someone with whom

I can be my self,

not having to censor

my words and thoughts.

Someone who is compassionate

when I cry so we can

laugh after the tears.

A friend is someone who is self aware,

who means what they say

and say what they mean.

A friend is someone

whos words are nourishing

or they make me think

but are never harsh to hurt.

You are a true friend because

I see all these qualities in you.

After The End

When you feel

you have lost everything

you can only gain.

When you have been

through the worst

things can only get better.

When darkness surrounds you

remember, there will be a time

when you will see the light.

When you are on the end of the rope

there will be a hand to hold on to.

After The Snow

It snowed a few days ago and it was quiet.

The unwanted sounds were muffled

and the snowfall was mesmerizing.

The landscape brightened up the day after,

and the sunshine made it glisten and sparkle.

Soon patches of the snow melted,

it exposed the darkness of the winter land

and with every hour of sunshine

more of the brightness disappeared.

But then it snowed again,

the dark patches turned bright

and people’s spirits were bright too.

As I watched people smile

I thought: it is the same with us

as it is with the land.

Some days the dark thoughts come up

and if we cover them with bright ones

eventually it will be a brighter day

and sooner or later the brightness stays.

So next time you think dark thoughts

just sprinkle them with a dust of snow

and see how they change.

Angels 1

There are angels among us.

They wipe our tears when we cry,

hold our hands when we are lonely,

sing a song when we are sad,

carry us around when we are tired.

They heal us with their touch

when we are ill and move us

when we are paralyzed.

They whisper soft words in our ears

when we are in need of love.

There are angels among us.

Sometimes when we are busy

we don’t see them or hear them

but when we sit quietly

we recognize them in a good friend.

Angels 3

When we cry the angels cry with us,

when we laugh the whole

world will laugh with us.

When we are caring

the whole world will care

and when we are in need

someone is right there to help.

When we are strong we help

others to be strong,

when we are weak someone

picks us up and carries us around.

Connections

Sometimes I feel your presence

thinking you are looking over me

sending me your sweet smiles.

Sometimes in my loneliness

I recall how it felt being with you

when I was little, when you guarded me

with your protecting arms.

It was the most comfortable shelter

and made me feel protected from everything.

Now you live on in my memories and dreams.

Contemplating 1

I was contemplating quietly;

the light streamed through

the colored stained glass

and felt like God’s glory.

I felt the warmth of that September day

fill my body with a pleasant feeling;

and heard the wooden beams

release a dull crackling sound.

It dawned on me how long it was

since I have been in a church.

I was a child the last time I felt this way,

wondering about God and man’s will.

Always wanting to know

why he lets us suffer

and why he lets us grow up

without love and all alone.

I saw the ten year old innocent girl

for a moment as she sat in the pew

with devotion on her sad face

and my cleansing tears started to flow.

Contrast

Don’t be afraid to feel the pain

feel it and then you can feel happiness too.

Don’t hide in the darkness in fear,

peace does not live there.

Come out here enjoy the light

where you can flourish like a flower.

Come and see the beauty of the world.

I’m out here in the bright sun and I feel.

I feel the love, the abundance, I even feel the fear

but fear and pain are not here to stay

because they don’t survive the rays of love.

Farewell

(In memory of Joe Pekter)

When my sun goes down

it will reflect my life.

My mind will wonder

if I completed my

mission this time.

My heart will wonder

if it was good;

my feet will wonder

if they walked the miles.

When my moon comes up

I will shine on top of the water

I will be the light of peace.

I will dive into the ocean

of abundant love

and I will see the light.

When my sun goes down

it will reflect my life.

From Afar

It hurts me too;

I feel your loneliness

and also mine.

I know what

it feels like

when nobody

talks to you

looks at you

or smiles at you

and you long for

someone to approach you

with tenderness

but nobody takes

the time in this

busy world.

I know what

it feels like

to feel like

a hungry beggar

longing for love

and you think

that maybe

the next person

will have mercy

on you and hug you

and you almost reach

their hands but they

run away before

they could glance at you

because it is easier that way.

I reach my hands at you

from afar hoping

that our hands will meet

and the distance will

not prevent us from

embracing each other in love.

Good Wishes

I wish you smooth sailing

when the water gets rough,

I wish you a shooting star

when you have given up on hope.

I wish you answers

to all your questions and dreams,

I wish you a fulfilling life.

I wish you happiness

when you feel defeated

and strength when you are weak.

I wish you guidance

when you feel lost

and love to always fill your heart.

Her Hands

Her hands are old and frail with thinning skin

that bruise and break open easily

but they always worked hard

and did whatever was required of them.

They cooked many sumptuous meals,

baked breads, cookies, and cakes.

Washed dirty clothes for the family,

planted flowers, trees and veggies.

They cleaned toilets, bathrooms and floors.

They held her children and grandchildren,

caressed people when they were upset,

they held the hand that needed to be held

and consoled the lonely ones who were all alone.

They arranged beautiful flowers,

knitted warm clothes for the winter,

wrote and typed letters and love notes.

They built hopes, visions and dreams,

they touched your hands and touched your heart

and once you held them you never want to let them go.

So hold them tight now that they are old and frail,

keep them warm when they get cold.

Give them the loving care they deserve

and hold them,

hold them,

hold them, until she is ready to go.

Keep Going

(To a friend in need)

Don’t give up on the bumpy roads;

they all take you somewhere beautiful.

Don’t give up when sadness surrounds you,

feel it and you may feel joy after.

Don’t give up when things are not working,

just rest and you will find the way.

Don’t give up when you feel isolated,

love diminishes the miles between us.

Don’t give up on hope, just look at

the sky on a clear night.

Though we may look at the stars

at different times, the same stars

are shining on us all.

Don’t give up when you feel lonely

because I will always be there,

even if only in my thoughts.

Light Being

(Inspired by the art of Cat Charissage)

She rises out of the crescent of the moon.

She floats between the sun and moon

and spreads rays of light to Earth.

Her light has the power to heal,

to nourish and to give life.

It sparkles in your eyes when you see it

and warms you when you are near it.

Just open your eyes to see

and open your arms to receive.

Her light will saturate every cell in you

and will energize you beyond belief.

You will radiate from her beams

and will feel blessed by her light.

Just open your eyes to see

and open your arms to receive.

Mended Heart

I came to you with my

wounded, broken heart

and you put it gently

in your hands and embraced it

with your loving glow.

You healed the scars

and mended the broken pieces.

Now it feels much more whole.

Thank you for filling it with joy,

thank you for touching my heart.

attered to me.

I also felt connected to all aspects of nature.

Nature was always my sanctuary

since the time I was very young.

That night was sacred to me because

I felt very connected, blessed and alive.

Mother’s Memory

For years you only lived in my dreams

but I honor you on this day.

The earth where you rest is covered in flowers

and the sun shines on it with its glory.

I greet you with flowers

here in the distance;

your smile is reflected in them.

I bow my head

as I light a candle

while the church bells at home

are ringing for you.

My Father’s Memory

When I was born

the proud fire of youth

was burning in your eyes,

you were full of life,

hopes and dreams.

When I started to walk

you were my rock

and made sure I didn’t fall.

When I grew I used to sleep

with my head in your arms

dreaming sweet dreams.

Then the fire disappeared

from your eyes

and you were surrounded

by a dark cloud

that followed you

to your grave.

Now you only live

in my memories

sometimes in the

summer of youth

and other times

on the hazy

evanescence of autumn.

No Hiding

The body remembers

and feels the sensations

the mind buried deep

in the long lost memories

down the old overgrown

paths of long ago.

A touch, a sound, a smell

a look can reactivate it

to a tense overwhelming

rush of energy so intense

it has to be stopped

from growing into

volcanic convulsion

of exploding raw fire.

Please Talk To Me

Please talk to me mother.

Were you lonely when you died?

Did you miss me like I missed you?

Was it easy to say goodbye?

Please tell me what the other side is like.

Is it really pure love and light?

Do angels really guide you on your way?

Is it really as peaceful as they say it is?

Do you think of me from time to time

like I think of you? Are you proud of me?

I would like it if you would talk to me.

Mother, please give me a sign.

Rising

(To a friend in need)

May you come out of the dark

and find your shining light.

May you find peace

because it is there in your heart.

May you find your purpose in life

to stop the search

and may you find love

to always fill your heart.

May you find strength

for the journey ahead

and the support you need.

May you be the best you can be.

Sharing Feelings

When you share your true feelings

you connect in a meaningful way.

When you allow yourself to be vulnerable

you remove the walls between you and me.

I will see the true you for the first time

and you will experience yourself truthfully.

Nothing will matter when we feel real,

fear vanishes and only love grows this way.

The Flame Of Hope

When the flame of hope

is barely burning or

extinguished inside you

come to me and I will revive it.

When it is revived

and burns strongly

our flame will warm

other people too.

And more and more people

will join and it will burn

with a stronger beam

until it nourishes every heart

and cleanse us from

the doubts of fear

and we will all live in peace

with replenished strength.

The Tears We Never Cry

The quiet, lonely moments are the hardest,

those that seem like hours and the hours

that seem like weeks and weeks that seem to move

into the sleepy, mysterious fog of eternity.

The unspoken words are the hardest,

those we carry like a heavy burden,

the words that move with the speed of light

and hit us without any mercy.

The unprocessed feelings are the hardest,

those that destroy us like lightning

and return to us like a boomerang

just to hurt us again and again and again.

The tears we never cry are the worst kinds,

the ones whirling inside us giving us grief,

burning our eyes and if we don’t pay attention

they pour down like falling rain.

The dreams we don’t dare to dream

are the most unpleasant ones because

no matter how hard we try to push them down

they surface like lava and burn us in unpredictable ways.

Thinking Of You

When hardship torments me I think of you.

When the weight of the whole world

is upon my shoulders, I look at the sky

and see your smile in the clouds or the stars.

When my heart feels broken

because of the distance from my loved ones

I admire your flowers

and their scent helps me feel good.

When I shiver from cold late at night

I make a tea with your blessed herbs

and soon I feel warm and cozy.

Then I think of you again

and feel gratitude for all the gifts

you shower me with every day.

We Remember Our Veterans

We honour and remember our veterans today.

They fought wars, sacrificed their lives

for a peaceful future, for our freedom.

We lay a wreath to show respect

and bow our heads with grace.

We think of our fathers, uncles,

grandfathers, who fought long ago

and think of the men and women

who protected us in the not so distant past.

We hear their stories, we think of their struggles

and the sacrifices they made.

We let them know how much their sacrifices mean to us.

We let them know they are our heroes and

we appreciate them and think of them

not just today but every day.

When Our Loved One Dies

(In memory of a dear friend,

Dr. Ilona Faludi-Simon)

When our loved one dies

we not only lose a friend

but we also lose a piece of our heart.

It gives us gripping pain and loss.

It puts us into a deep aching grief.

It wakes us up in the middle of the night

with tears rolling down our face like a river.

When our loved one dies

we realize how precious every moment is

and we learn to recognize what is important.

We wish we spent more time

on finding treasures for the soul.

We find out how important it is

to nurture and protect the soul.

We realize that love and admiration

is as important as water and food is.

So…live your life honouring the connections

with beautiful people and beautiful places

and have enough of everything

to nourish your body and soul.

Will be with you

Don't miss me when I am gone.

I will be in the breeze

that caresses your face and hair.

I will be in the scent and beauty

of every flower, in the leaf

of every tree and in every blade of grass.

I will be in the warmth of the sun,

the brightness of the moon

and the sparkle of the stars.

I will be in the song of every bird

and the flutter of every butterfly.

I will be in the bright hues

of every sunset

and in the glistening white snow.

I will be in the sparkling fire

and the change of the seasons.

Don't miss me when I am gone.

Just close your eyes,

reach out your hand and I will be there

Your Poem

When you feel like talking

to your departed loved one,

write a poem, write a letter,

write about your pain,

your anger, about your sadness,

about what ever you feel.

Some of these will be

for your eyes only,

others will be to share.

Some will be inspiration

for people going through

similar experiences as you.

Epilogue

I hope you enjoyed reading these poems about loss, connection and support. I hope you found some comfort in them.

Please let me know if any of it resonated with you.

If you would like to read more of my poems you can buy my book at Analog books in Lethbridge, on Amazon in print or Kobo and most online retailers in an e-book format.

For my final words I would like to share some thoughts that entered my mind in a poetry circle my dear friend, Cat Charissage hosted in October 2019. We had a wonderful evening of poetry presented by Kerry Morrison and Kerry asked us:

“What inspirational messages are important to the world now?”

“There is a sufficiency in the world for man's need but not for man's greed.”

Mahatma Gandhi.”

Be kind to everyone and everything

including the planet.

Heal your self, heal others and heal Mother Earth.

If you don’t have to do something, don’t do it.

If it is simple, don’t complicate it.

Go with the seasons.

You can’t change them.

Be grateful for the beauty.

There is so much of it.

Everywhere.

Be truthful, be honest,

work hard when you have to

and rest when you need to rest.

Find your ancient medicine.

Connect with your animal totem

and with your spiritual guides.

Be with your spirit.

Love your self and the people who deserve it.

Know how precious you are.

Teri Petz Bio

Teri Petz wears many hats and has even more interests. She was fascinated by poetry since she was a little girl, before she could read. In school she realized that writing was easy for her and she had a natural flow when she wrote. Being a nature child/woman she likes to take long walks and explore the rivers, lakes, mountains and the Canadian Prairies. She is often inspired to write and in those moments she says the Muse has bitten her.

Teri self published her poetry book, “A Piece Of Her Heart” in 2020. The book is available on Kobo and Amazon. Amazon has both e-book and paper version.

Her poem, “A Thousand Tears was published in 2020 in the anthology, Women Scream.

She participates in a small women’s poetry group led by Cat Charissage monthly. Teri organizes and is the MC of Owl Poetry, an open mic event held monthly at the Owl Acoustic Lounge in Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada.

She is involved in Photography, Videography and creates home décor products to keep the creative juices flowing and loves to write poetry. She considers poetry to be the language of the heart.

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